Thought Leadership
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The shift to remote and hybrid work has fundamentally changed how leaders connect with their teams. Yet one truth remains: relationships are the foundation of effective leadership. The question isn't whether to prioritize relationship building in our virtual world, it's how to master it without the casual hallway conversations and impromptu check-ins we used to rely on.
After years of leading teams through this transformation, I've learned that the most successful leaders aren't those who simply moved their old approaches online. They're the ones who recognize that building authentic relationships virtually requires both timeless principles and new skills.
Here's what many leaders don't want to admit: building relationships through screens is harder than it looks. The casual touchpoints that once happened naturally now require intentional effort. Without the ability to read full body language or grab someone for a quick coffee, we're operating with fewer relationship-building tools than ever before.
The stakes are real. Recent data shows only one in three employees strongly believe their manager cares about them. Yet employees who feel genuinely cared for by their managers are significantly more engaged and productive. In our distributed work environment, closing this gap has become critical.
I discovered this firsthand when a team member told my director that I seemed inauthentic in our interactions. As someone who prided myself on being an open, approachable leader, this feedback stung. But it taught me something crucial about virtual leadership.
The breakthrough came when I took a personality assessment and had my team do the same. I learned I was a high-energy, goal-focused communicator trying to connect with someone who needed relationship-building before goal-setting. I wasn't being fake, I was just missing the mark on what this person needed to trust me.
This experience showed me that authenticity isn't about being the same person to everyone. It's about being genuinely yourself while adapting your communication style to meet people where they are.
Through trial and error, I've found that successful relationship building in virtual environments rests on three pillars:
Transparency goes beyond sharing information. It means acknowledging when you don't have answers, admitting mistakes quickly, and being honest about challenges. In virtual settings, this vulnerability becomes even more important because you lose the subtle cues that build trust in person.
A simple "I don't know the answer, but I'll find out and get back to you by Friday" followed by actual follow-through builds more credibility than trying to wing an answer in the moment.
Your team needs to find you predictable, even when they can't see you daily. This means consistent communication patterns, reliable follow-through, and steady availability. I tell my teams that if they start finding me "boring" in my consistency, I'm probably doing something right.
When you do need to deviate from your normal approach, communicate it clearly. "I'm having an off day and need Mary Beth to lead this meeting" builds trust through honesty while maintaining care for the team's success.
Every interaction should add value, whether that's solving a problem, providing insight, offering recognition, or simply listening. In digital environments where interactions can feel transactional, intentionally adding value to every touchpoint becomes crucial.
This might mean starting meetings by genuinely asking how people are doing. Or sending a quick message recognizing someone's contribution before the team meeting. Small gestures matter more when they're the primary way you connect.
Use Multiple Platforms Strategically: Don't get stuck with just email and video calls. Use instant messaging for quick check-ins, video calls for important discussions, phone calls for sensitive conversations. Each platform serves different relationship purposes.
Perfect Your Virtual Presence: Your digital presence sends messages about your investment in relationships. Good audio and video quality, minimal distractions, and full attention matter. When someone has your focus on a video call, they should feel like the only person in your world.
Create Informal Moments: The relationship building that used to happen naturally now requires planning. Schedule virtual coffee chats, send unprompted check-in messages, and create space in meetings for non-work conversation.
Develop Digital Empathy: Reading emotions through screens requires different skills. Pay attention to voice tone, facial expressions, and energy levels. When in doubt, ask directly how someone is doing rather than guessing.
Perhaps nowhere is relationship building more challenging than managing conflict virtually. Without in-person cues and sidebar conversations, digital conflict requires immediate attention.
If you walk away from a virtual meeting sensing tension, follow up right away. The biggest mistake leaders make is letting negative feelings fester because they assume it will resolve itself. It won't. Use neutral language, focus on understanding all perspectives, and make sure everyone feels heard.
Effective relationship building extends beyond your direct reports. In our interconnected work environment, your ability to build connections across departments and with external partners often determines your success more than technical skills.
This means proactively reaching out to colleagues in other areas, volunteering for cross-functional projects, and maintaining connections with partners and clients. Each relationship becomes a resource not just for you, but for your entire team.
The leaders who thrive in our digital-first world won't be those who wait for things to return to "normal." They'll be the ones who master authentic human connection regardless of the medium.
Start with consistency. Be reliably yourself in every interaction. Follow through on commitments. Show up fully present in virtual meetings. Ask genuine questions and listen to the answers. Address conflicts quickly and directly.
The tools may keep evolving, but the fundamental truth remains: leadership is about relationships, and relationships require authentic human connection. You can build that connection through any screen, in any format, if you're willing to be intentional about it.
Michelle Dyke is Vice President of Operational Excellence at Kaplan, where she leads teams across multiple business units while focusing on process improvement, leadership development, and organizational effectiveness.
